"Attitude really matters, doesn’t it? It can make the difference between a good day and a bad day, a good marriage and a bad marriage, perhaps even a good life and a bad life. Chuck Swindoll says, "Words can never adequately convey the incredible impact of our attitude toward life. The longer I live the more convinced I become that life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we respond to it."
Well, isn't that true?? Life won't get any easier, but its our attitude towards things that could determine the outcome.
Perhaps that is what God wants me to learn? I don't know. So many problems, so troubled. Its like wave after wave, without end. But its not the problem, its my attitude on how I want to overcome them.
Going to rant abit, but perhaps you might understand snip-lets of whats is happening?
I really do not know what to do. I don't want to ask for things to be easier, but if things do get tougher, I will just have to get through it. Things I value, things that I have been tasked to do, when they it all looks gloomy, it all looks like they is little hope and you have so little control over them. It was a bitter pill to swallow, really painful that at times there is only so much you can do, and really vexed when you are at a lost, not knowing what to do, how much longer you will have to endure.
Even teachers that are not close to me, told me and a few others that its very obvious that we are very demoralized. I can't disagree, its true. Its a bitter pill to swallow, it was like a knife has been used to stab my fragile heart. But that not the only problem. Its like Uno stacko, except its problem instead of Uno blocks that are stacking up. (Still restraining from asking for things to be easier, just hope I won't be dealt a more severe blow.)
Events I can't control, but the emotional hurt that I suffer is something I have a control over. I might sound crazy, but I rather have the blood continue to trickle down. I don't want to let time pass by and let it heal, because if it does, I will just reopen it. It has become my sense of motivation, the desire to release all the pain, to make amends, to prove myself worthy. Even if I have not done much wrong in some things, while I am perhaps fully accountable to some of them. What done has been done, I can't change the past, but I can only determine the future.
If normal on-lookers can observe the lack of motivation, the hurt that I have been trying to suppress, to keep within a lid, bottle it all inside of me, then it got to be looked into big time. Carrying a fake smile, or a sad face everywhere isn't going to help anything. I said I will bounce back, I got something to prove but it has to wait for the right time to release all the pain...
But right now, its about looking at things from a different perspective and finding a reason to wipe that frown off my face and my friends faces!
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