Common Test

Oh sigh... I am so disappointed...

My Common Test have ended!! Yes, so quickly!! It just lasted 3 days, but that is not what I am bitterly disappointed in how I did it though it is a major disappointment.. *Contradiction, yeah? Wait*

It lasted 3 days because:

Monday was Chinese and Math paper!! Oh sigh!! Chinese was a pretty sad paper.. I failed to complete it and I did not even do the first question because I did not know how to!!?? :( But hopefully, I will pass my Maths and I did study for math!! :(

On Tuesday, it got worse. I had econs and biology!! Well, I hope I can pass it!! I did not manage to finish the whole paper!! :/ But I did study for it!! However, I can't say the same for biology!! I did not touch biology at all for the whole holidays!! So I wrote pure crap for it!! Can imagine Hui Wen nagging at me liaoz!! Ahaha!! But really, a U seems like the only possibility.. God, please intervene!! I really need divine intervention!!

On Wednesday, this is when the CTs can make me cry! Sigh.. Chemistry!! Ohno!! Another subject I did not touch at all in the whole holidays!! and wow!! I think I am a goner!! :(

Lets talk about the less serious matter, like my highly possible results:

GP: S?? (God help me!)

Chinese : U?? (God, help me!)

Biology: U?? (God, help me!)

Chemistry: U?? (God, help me!)

Maths: D/E?? (God, I believe I can get better)

Econs: D/E?? (God is stronger, believe!!)

Oh well!! God, please help me!! Please really help me!!

Sigh.. Looking back at CTs.. I realize how weak my faith in Christ in. (Yes, I am showing you how vulnerable I am!!)

I kept saying I am screwed, I cant do it! I am lousy and such!! And How I hate this!! I feel bitterly disappoint in myself!! Yes, I always knew that I lacked self-confidence. I have never believe I was good in anything before, that includes soccer! I never believed I deserved to play first team football for Hong Kah in Sec 2! I never believe I was good enough... *shocked aren't you?* But it is not about how I feel like I am worthless (literally), but how I behaved like as if my god was small God. How I made him look like a DOG rather than a GOD! ARGH!! I am bitterly disappointed in myself!!

Isn't my God greater?

- Our God by Christ Tomlin

Isn't my God so great, than he is indescribable that he is so great!!

- Indescribable and How Great is our God by Chris Tomlin and Hillsong respectively.

Isn't our God, God.. the one who rose from the grave? The one who created the Earth? The one who made me in his image?

ARGH!! I can't take this!! I can't take how weak my faith showed to be! Thus, of course I plan to do something about it! Faith is needed in order to please God. So help!!

I have also been reflecting on Pastor Den Kuan words (hope, I spell correctly).. I know and I believe are two different words!! And how I realize they indeed are..

I realise how much I know the bible but how I don't really believe the bible!! Oh God, I want to believe!! I realize how I failed to believe that my God would be there for me, I did not believe it. I felt like i was fighting my battle alone.. Always alone.. I failed to see my lack of belief!! I want to start believing! I want to start believing! I just wanna believe, oh lord!! I want!! I now think I really need my R&R time to myself!! I need to rethink and refocus!! My head has been turned, my heart in a different place... I wanna come back to the heart of worship...

"Oh God, forgive me for my lack of faith, for my lack of belief in you. Despite how others encouraged me, i failed to heed their words... I failed to believe that you were there for me. and right now, I feel disgusted with myself.... Father, my lack of belief in you needs to be rectified. God, I pray that you help me in my CTs. They are no more within my control. I uplift into your hands. You are God, you don't have to prove it to me. I don't need signs and wonder. I just need you back in my life. I just need you to be there for me.. I just need you, I just want you... I pray that I will pass all of them. Faith like a muster seed was all that was enough. Father, I pray you search my heart and will be able to find that faith within me. I pray that I will pass!! ALL OF THEM!! ALL!! LET NONE BE AN EXCEPTION!! Oh GOD!!! You are GOD!! I pray more importantly, that my faith abound within this weak mind and self.. Help me oh Lord.....

Search my heart, heal the wound, destroy the strongholds and tear down the walls! Amen!"

Happy Father's Day

I know my dad won't read this but ,"Happy Papa Day!!"



Erm.. Well, today is father's day!! But sadly, my family did not celebrate it together!! *sigh* Feels kinda bad about it..

Oh well!! And I did not do anything for my dad yet!! Double the feel bad feeling!! Oh sigh!! But I don't know what to do!! I am at lost of words/ideas!! I m a guy, and I am a epic fail at doing things like that. I don't really know how to express myself well!! Sigh.. Thats is why I am always an epic fail :/

Yet I love my dad!! Without him, I would be here! I wont have met the people I have met, played the beautiful game, been good at what I am good at (though sometimes, its feels like I am good at nothing) and won some medals and experienced some wonderful moments...

Hm.. Because I have extreme good memory! I can remember many things me and my dad did together before. I bet I can remember something about you if you asked me! Haha!!

Ok.. Let me bring you back into time.. About 10 years ago, actually 9 years I think, tgere was a large field near our house (if you been to my current house, there is a state land. Its that field) and during that time, mini goalposts were placed there. So of course this soccer boy jio his dad out to play with him!! And my dad oblieged!! Woohoo!! And I pwned him!! Oh man!! It wasn't even a close fight!! But I did not score many goals. Yet somehow, I think my dad could play soccer averagely! Cause if not, I think I am not born in this family! It wont make sense! Who and how did I inherit my soccer skills!!!!!!!!

Oh well, memories will stay as memories... But I know my dad loves me!! Though at times, I am too blind to see it and such but oh well... I still love him and wonder how I inherited my soccer skills from? Hm... Hahaha!!




Happy Papa's Day, Papa!!

Hugs

I would have titled this, 'Random Hugs" but you can't see the title. :P

Was reading the post on the ODJ and it was talking about "The touch"... About how at times, we are afraid to touch certain types of people. And interestingly, it sparked some thoughts within me.. I actually thought about the fact that I feel awkward hugging people!! LOL.. Talking about touch!! LOL.. Touch Rugby = Showdown 3!! Woohoo!!

Ok, getting back to the topic.... I don't know why I always feel awkward giving out hugs or receiving one... It is not that I have never received one, but it just awkward!! LOL.. Okok, this post is not about how I feel about hugs. I think they are necessary at times, maybe I need to learn how to accept them, and dish them out at times... Hm... And preharps at times, I will need them.



So lets get to the main course, shall we?

Reading that post, and thinking of hugs. Oh man!! I remember the first time I got a hug!! LOL.. I don't remember my parents hugging me before. Nor do I celebrate my goals with hugs!! LOL.. I am blogging my epic experience of a hug... And that was when I was in lower secondary? Haha...

It was during the AKLTG camp lah, then that time I had a female facilitator. LOL.. Funny bunny... This camp is just funny, they will keep your belongings for you de!! Or more or so, they don't want us to get distracted lah.. LOL.. So being the good boy I am, I let them keep my handphone and wallet lah.. Not knowing the consequences of doing it if you have my facilitator... :S

LOL.. At the end of the day, everyone had to hugged her to get back our belongings and maybe because it was the last day of camp!! OMG!! I had to hugged her ot get back my belonging!! Walao.. My heart pain sia!! Totally... I was the most reluctant person to hug her, but of course I had to do it in order to get back my phone. Alamak.. LOL

Well, I shall not comment on this with my bias-ness for this part. Well, I think the hug was just pure awkward to me.. I felt really awkward and was like holding back... But slowly, I began to open up. It was like, I finally put open up my arms, rather than just stand there. I got to realize that hugs are something nice, cause I somehow enjoyed being hugged. Okay, weird moment. Totally contradicting myself. But its true, I have a feeling it was my first hug cause I have don't think I have ran into my parents arms before, but I enjoyed it. That feeling of being loved, being shown love, of being cared for, of feeling worth something, or that feeling that you mean something to someone. But still, I am a guy. I don't know how to express oneself well... *Bleah*

Random post sia, all sparked from a ODJ post to my epic memories.. Oh well... *Hugs*

One moment, everything seems so rosy. The next moment, everything disappears in a blink of an eye....

Nowadays, I am in a lot of pain. I never knew lying down on the cold, hard floor would worsen the condition of my back. My knees also hurt... :(

Sigh.. And after taking the Pastor Raymond survey. I never knew how badly injured I am.. Bleah..

Well, like me explain. My back pain was caused by an accident in "The Greatest of These is Love" camp.. Won't say how :/ and wolf-pile was by no means helping :/

The Knees are an old injury that has returned to haunt me and threatening to destroy what I deem the only thing I am good in - Soccer.

The headache was due to the match against VJC... Well, i tackled a guy, he fell over me.. Sadly, his studs (the spikes on the boots) landed on my head. Near the ear of my head, after that, I did tio headaches.. Though, thankfully, it ain't really happening again :D

Well, I realize I have not explained why I wrote the first line in this post. Oh well, its for me to know, for you to find out..

Holidays? My foot lah!!

Walao!! This June holiday is really crappy!! I need to mug for CTs, attend lots of camps and soccer training!! Argh!!

The worst part is this!! Everything is being squeezed!! So super packed! Everything is colliding, and I can't slack off in the leadup to the BB/GB/CIA camp!! Then I also can't slack in my academics and soccer trainings!! Sigh... Really stressed up, I have skipped a lot of trainings le, and I am suppose to be a leader. Some kind of leader I am sia.. -.- Sigh.. Pretty stressed up... :(

Oh well, but lets ont take away the fact that the JJ leadership camp was pretty fun!! HAha!! Shall blog about it in another post bah!! :D

Hm.... Actually, I am just whining!! LOL... But I am getting worried that becoz I am so busy, I will flunk my CTs coz not enough time mug!! :(