"Who is he?"

A scar on his face, green eyes, hooded figure...

Its been so many years since I visualized that face. I don't know why, but when I am reminded of what I saw, I fear that I saw me. My fight isn't on this Earth, my fight is one not seen with this set of eyes. I do have a wish, a wish to see the battlefield clearly, because I feel like a blind man fighting, not knowing which direction is the attack heading my way coming from.

Then again, I would also like to know the reason behind the attacks. "Why me?". Well, now, another question has popped up. I want to confirm my gut feeling. "Who is he?"

22/4/2013

So what attributes are so evident in me?

A strong sense of determination that can easily turn into stubborness because I am so determined to get the things I want.

A spirit of preservance? Well, another double-edged sword when you come to think about it.

Sometimes when these two attributes combine for the wrong reason, I actually suffer but I have never really been able to fully let go and let down somethings in my whole life. Give up doesn't remain in my vocabulary for long.

Ok then, I don't have much to speak on. Or I'm too lazy to type out.

Life in Sawang

Life in Sawang. The Journey of Discovery. 

Before you begin reading this whole post, I would prefer you read it while listening to this song. This was the song that I was listening to as I was on the van heading back to the airport. The song I listened to after I had met all my objectives of going there. So load this song completely then you may begin.

As I start off, I would like to thank God for giving me this opportunity to fly to Sawang. When I first got my enlistment letter, I was not pleased that I would be enlisting in May instead of Feb, as that meant I would ORD later. However, never would I know that months later, it provided me a chance to go to the Land  of Smiles, where I have learnt and been challenged so much. 

On a personal note, this was a very difficult trip because God challenged me so much mentally throughout the whole duration of the trip.

Before we embark on this trip, I had my opinion that I was going to a place where the people were less fortunate than us (Singaporeans) hence more needy than us. Who would know that when I boarded that plane towards Sawang, God had a plan to change that view so drastically in the next  8 days.

          

The first day wasn't action packed like many of the days we would slowly experience within this trip. We met some of the student helpers that would be a great help and blessing to us during our time there, briefed them on what would happen the next day and find out a bit about them. Well, I am not that kind of person who goes out and purposefully makes new friends and would not change my style just for trip. I believe God has placed each person in the trip with a purpose they would fulfill within the trip, and as for my purpose, it would be laid out on the table for me to see clearly in the next few days.

The next 3 days were for us to teach the children English. Frankly speaking, teaching English was not as easy you thought it would be. There would be that constant sense of insecurity, not knowing whether the kids really understood what you have taught them, whether the methods that you are using are effective and engaging, and also constantly needing on of the student helpers to translate every line you said, you are not sure if the message you are trying to bring across is being delivered the way you planned it to be. 

On paper, teaching English was one of the objective, but slowly, as time progressed, it became about being a friend and a big brother to the kids. My identity as a teacher would begin to change to a friend and then, so subtlety, a student. Never would I expect to be so blessed by these kids, that they would be my teacher in the coming days.

They showed me how genuine they were. They were always smiling away, so happy and contented. You could see how much they enjoyed playing, when we played a simple game with them. How they enjoy being in the present of one another, how they were contented and satisfied just by eating glass noodles with chicken feet! 

Also despite the temperature being 40 degree Celsius almost daily there, I found it amazing hat they would still be playing under the hot sun, running about, chasing one another with a big bright smile on their face. Yes, children everywhere love to play games, and run about. But some of these of kids were running barefooted on a surface that was boiling hot from the sun. If I was in their shoes, I would probably not have run about, especially barefooted. I would have probably complained about the scorching heat, about the pain I would be experiencing from the blisters I would be having on my feet, about the meal that seems pathetic compared to right the meals we have in Singapore. Yet, they didn't complain about all those discomfort they experience daily. They had a different attitude from many of us, an attitude that signals to us that we have a lot of soul searching to do.

Another thing that was so miraculous was how God sustained me throughout the entire trip, especially during the period when we were going to teach English. There was always so much to prepare, so many things that would be changed suddenly during the actual lesson and impromptu games that had to be thought of right on the spot. It was mentally and physically draining to me, but somehow God gave me the strength and energy to be so lively for class, to run the games, and be play and run around with the children. Thank God for giving me strength, All glory to Him.

Admist all the teaching and things we had to do, we manage to unwind after a day of hard work at a park. I'm really thankful that we were brought their to unwind, because it was there where I realize how wonderful it is to just sit back and relax in the company of friends in an environment that was so serene. I didn't see anyone using their phones, busy texting or calling people or going through Twitter or Facebook or Instagram. It was time purely spent with the people around you, and that was something I never could find back in Singapore. It is sad to know that most people back home do not fully understand the joy of just enjoying the presence of the people around you, where your attention is fully fixed on the people in your mist.

But that was not all God had planned to show me at that time. Still having those kiddish remains inside this body of mine, I chose to experience how it felt to try bicycle boating even though there was the possibility of getting wet and dirty. I didn't have a change of clothing, which would have made it worse but I didn't really think it through, I just went to play with all I had. As I was bicycle boating, the realization of my action began to sink into me. I got wet, and of course dirty, and thus beginning to feel a bit yucky because in Singapore, everything is so clean, we would refuse to get dirty, or our hands or any part of us dirty. Not many of us will like to get our hands dirty, we tend to leave it to the cleaners that we have. We try to avoid anything that will get us dirty because we also want to smell nice, look nice and not dirty. For example, if a car drives passes us and water from the road flies at us and we get wet, the next thing that will fly in Singapore is unpleasant words from the victim at the accused. Yet, one thing that the student helper, "Keng", showed me was how he didn't seem to mind that his sweater was getting soaked in water. He just got on with him, and continued paddling and having fun. His response was such that he did not let that small discomfort get to him and spoil the fun. Well, on a personal note, that got me thinking, "Have I lost that child, that kid that I used to be willing get myself dirty, throw myself on the floor, and I didn't care a bit about how messy I looked and how "chui" my clothes would look? We are servant, and servant are not people would sit around wearing fanciful clothing and shake their legs.They have to make sure they get their job done, and they always get their hands dirty in the process if they are to do a good job. Similarly, God's will probably will get you dirty. It is a calling to go out to the streets, to every corner of the Earth and be a light to your surrounding, even if that means getting your hands dirty to do so or going out of your way to do so.... 

Then the day finally arrived, the end of teaching had finally arrived. Some parts of me said it was the time to celebrate, while another part was just thankful for the experience, for the kids that I taught and played together with. They had already managed to teach me things even in less than 3 days with them. I also thought at that time, that would perhaps be the last time I would see them. But to my surprise, the next day arrived with a present.

The school we were suppose to paint turned out to be the school we had been teaching in the past 3 days. But that is not the amazing thing. It was amazing to find the children we were teaching around in school when we arrived despite them having no lessons that day. So then, it meant that it wasn't actually the last time I was going to meet the kids, and little did I know I will see so much in them and their actions in the next 2 days that God will use to challenge me.

So has the first song I got you to listen ended? After it has ended, load this and listen to it. Kris Allen, The Vision of Love. This song struck me in my sleep. Well, or my nap when I was sleeping in the van onto the way to the schools or village central or any destination. It caught me in dream land and struck me there. Although not a Christian song, but a secular pop song, just listen to it carefully or watch it. It caught my ears for a reason.



Firstly, I saw how matured these boys were. So helpful even at a young age. They seem to thrive on the little responsibility given to them, and were already looking out for one another. That being said, you can still see that they were kids, enjoying themselves and having fun too

Secondly, they showed me how to find the joy in the little things you have and do. Somehow, they managed to rekindle that kid in me that got me to climb trees and scaffolding. Even when they put that lizard into my cap and scared me with it, you can see how much fun they are having doing so... Wait, that doesn't make sense? But it does, I could tell the fun they enjoy is much more than when I scared the wits out of Rachel and Pei Xuan. I'm not sure if that happens when you grow older, but if so, that is really sad. You don't exactly enjoy the joyful moments in life. You enjoy it for awhile, but you don't soak it in.. It was their smile, its their smile that totally differentiates me from them. Its their smile, it tells you a story. A story of joy. Its the joy of living life. Back home, it is a totally different culture and society to me and I do not deem ours to be of a better class, I really don't.

Thirdly, you see how street smart they are. Well, because they spend so much time outside and their parents don't seem to put much of a restriction on them, they really learn how to be street smart. They are really know the place around really well, know what fruits can be eaten from random trees, what leaves can help you get rid of paint, Paint that just water doesn't make it come off. You can see they are really bright kids, and their learning isn't about memorizing and more memorizing and reading and reading and then just doing everything thing you are told without truly questioning it, but they learnt from really exploring and asking. I really don't know how to explain the street smartness, but when you see them climbing walls, scaffolding, trees, going through barred wires (not literally, they go through the openings that pose little or lesser danger.) Its a form of smartness that MOE fails to teach, and many kids do not learn. Even my street smartness is not at its best because I have not spent time down below the blocks for a really long time, not even going down to kick the ball around. I'm rusty. Do wish to be more street smart too.

Well, another thing that stood out me happened on the last day I would meet these kids. It was the outreach event at the Village Central. The kids had already showed me around the village central, the walls and how to climb over them. Trained me to climb scaffolding without using the ladder, that meant that I had to climb using a lot of upper body strength which I found challenging because I have been guilty of not training, but I still had the strength to do so. All these things happened a day before the last time I would meet the kids, but on the day itself, the kids showed me around their whole village. Erm... Yes, I did do a disappearing act from the village central when everyone else was doing up the decoration and all for the outreach event, and went off on a bicycle that was too small for me and the handles were properly aligned.

At first, I thought all I would get to see is the village, how it was like. Just cycling through the village was an eye opener. I didn't know the next morning, we would go to some of the student helpers houses to visit and even if I was told so, I would still have done my disappearing act. I really thought I would just get to see the village, but it turned out, this kids was bringing me to see his home. Nope, this parent's weren't home and the door was not locked. These houses weren't as well furnished as the student helpers homes that I would get to see the next day. These houses were just really messy, and seemingly disorganized, with a dog and chickens presented. Somehow, the chicken's in the kids home were rather skinny but that's not what I want to say. It was the act of showing me his house that struck me more than the outlook of the house.

Would you show someone your house, someone whom I would deem a stranger because I had a huge language barrier, I didn't show you anything about me, what Singapore is like, who I am like, what my background is. The only thing the kids would know is that I am someone who would play with them, maybe loving and caring in some sense but yet that doesn't diminished the fact that I am a stranger from Singapore to them. Or at least that is how I will think if I am in their shoes, which brings me to a big question. Why would you bring a stranger to your house? Well, It showed me some much trust in me. So much trust. Something so foreign to me because I will never let myself be put in a situation where I am at the mercy of someone else. Neither would I trust someone to that extent. For someone who would prefer to not reveal himself to see someone actually open up to that extent really strikes me. He showed me the rubix cube he loved playing with, offered me water, showed me around his house. It was like telling me, "This is my world." Even without words, the statement/message was sent to me via his actions

I saw his family portrait  and found medication lying around the house, which reminded me of that behind all these genuine smile, this land called the "Land of Smiles" is broken, that there are so many problems in this land and sickness still reigns in their land, my land, and this world.

As for the village outreach, I cannot be a judge on this. God gave us the opportunity to go there, he gave me the chance and got be to act as him. To portray Him. Did you know how much pressure I felt was on me. All other character I wrote in the script were fictional, but He wasn't. My own human comprehension is not able to portray Him correctly, and I was really stressed I had to portray Him because this was something failure was not an option. I did my best, the outreach has already passed, I believed God had moved, be it in small steps or make huge waves in their heart. Let God be God, He nurtures the growth of every seed.

As the end draws near. Well, after the outreach, on a personal note, it felt like my job was done. The irony is that I felt that I was more close to the kids then the student helpers. Yes, I can still communicate with the helpers but with the kids, there was less of a barrier. Perhaps, I'm still a kid, that was why. But of course it wasn't. It was time to get closer to the student helpers, or my time and energy would now have a new goal head into. 

That being said, the last 2 days were less action packed for me. Other than the farewell party on the last night, where I have no idea how long I played the guitar caused my wrist hurt so badly after, my fingers were experiencing that sharp pain despite the tips of my fingers already being harden since I had played and worship days prior to it. Hm.. I really don't know how many testimonies I played through. 8 testimonies and 2 songs? Maybe more... I don't really want to bother recalling vividly. But as I was plucking during those testimonies I heard, you could see how God had worked in the lives of  the student helpers and all glory to God. Maybe it was too early for them to straight away accept Christ but at least we managed to change viewpoints of the Church and Christians and that is awesome because breaking down psychologically barriers are essential. Honestly, I can't describe how one really feels listening to the testimonies. It was really drawing a bigger picture, showing me how God had somehow made everything fall into place. It was amazing to listen although painful to pluck the guitar for so long. All glory to God.

Well, on the last day was the last time I had to role-play God. Probably prefer never to do so again though. Attending a service at Sawang Daen Din, was totally a first since it was my first time in Swang Daen Din. What struck me was after the service. No! It wasn't the swing, that I spotted in the backyard that made me play on it and make me look like a over-grown kid. I don't have picture of it, but it was probably caught on another camera. However, that aside, it was the culture of the church to have lunch together. It reminded me of this part of the verse.

"Acts 2:46 - Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts," 

To get to see it with your eyes and experience how it might have been like back in the Early church was a nice experience. It just doesn't feel that way in Singapore or the church I go to. Its just doesn't have that culture for the whole church to dine together unlike in Sawang. 

Its a real pity we had to leave. This trip has been unlike any of my trip overseas. It was my first mission trip, but my 5th time going overseas on my own/ without my parents. Yet, this trip stood out for me. It has been a really fruitful time spent there. Action-packed... ticked, blessed... ticked, been a blessing... I can't be a judge on that. Its really different from all my trips aka as training stints in other countries. The language barrier did reach a new level there because I didn't even understand anything they said. Its unlike me being in China, Indonesia, Malaysia and other countries where Malay, Chinese and English would have been alright and sufficient. However, despite all the barriers, I have formed an attachment to Sawang and won't might staying there. However small, I know its not really possible to be totally unmoved when I hear about them now even if I don't show it. 

But its back to reality. I do wonder why I was sent to Sawang to see so many things, to have been blessed so much. It makes me realize the problems of my land. As un-patriotic as I already am, I don't like to go overseas and leave the people in this land behind. Yet, it just doesn't make sense that people choose to live in a system that is all about individualism. About running a good rat race. About results, efficiency, productivity and work. Its forces people to look after themselves before others instead of the other way round. Its a land of worries, complains, frustration and anxiety. Singapore has huge issues. Change is needed, God is needed big time. Then it struck me, perhaps the change could start from someone as small and insignificant as me. Although I have serious issues that need to be tackled, change has to begin somewhere. The question is, would you want to change this horrible system of Singapore where its about survival? Its like a high-tech survival island. It needs change, a Godly change. #counterculture