Man Of God

Hm... I honestly hope that one day, I will be like that too... a man of God.

Well, I don't know what happened to the embled code or something. Just gotta click the link to youtube bah..

Skit Guys - Man of God: http://youtu.be/AS5sRvF60js

NDP 14

NDP, every NSFs National Death Penalty.

Well, that was what I felt like I got sentenced to when I heard the news in Feb. Thinking back, I remember pretty vividly how depressed I was. Nothing could cheer me up. All that was flooding my mind was all the sacrifices that I was going to be forced to make and I had no say nor any ability to have that cup taken away from me. Sure, I knew my parents would be proud that their son would be involved in Singapore's 49th birthday when I broke the news to them, but their son was in no sense amused or being filled with a sense of pride and honour on being given the opportunity to do so. This was a death penalty in my eyes, and one that would take me a few days to be  get back into the right frame of mind.

At least the news was broken to us way in advance to allow our minds to get back into the right frame of mind. It really helped, because if I was made to jump straight into rehersals during that period of time, I would not have given a care in the world about my marching, or sub-standard marching. I was still reeling from the lost of my Saturdays. Going to D.I., dinner with the boys, playing soccer in the morning, the lack of time to practice for main service on Sundays, the inability to attend meetings at night

Well, so the journey to 9th August continues since time waits for no one. Having internal company drills, wearing IBAs (a army vest) under the hot sun to increase the risk of heat injuries. Honestly, I have no idea why we couldn't do our rehersals nor actual parade in just our No. 4? Especially when you have rehersals in the afternoon during the hottest period in the year. At least, the drills trainings were just the basics, and we had not yet when into overdrive so at least I could adapt and slowly ease myself into the groove.

Then came the NDP rehersals in Nee Soon camp. The camp where many ghost stories have been told, and where a regular was found dead just some time before or during the period when we were having rehersals at Nee Soon. And also the camp where I went through one of the hardest times of my army life. Oh gosh, just remembering how I felt doing guard duty during my course period in Nee Soon was like welfare for me, simply because I could escape the regimentation, the stand by beds and skip the morning portion of the training the next day.

So this was the start of burning away Saturdays. Booking in in the morning (at least I was allowed to drive to camp and have dinner and sleep at home on Friday nights), having to eat cookhouse food (Yucks!), going for many rehersals under the hot sun and hoping each would be the last one of the day so we could go back to send our arms and book out.

All wasn't gloomy during this period as we usually could book out early like 3pm on Fridays and by 7pm on Saturdays so at least I could attend some meetings for D.I. at night, or make some plans for the night. Also, it was nice to see familiar faces at Nee Soon, and how the whole parade was being pieced together slowly. These were the little joy that added some colour to my life. Personally looking back, I felt these Saturdays nights really helped me ease my transition to having rehersals at the Marina Bay Floating Platform, which were way longer but somewhat more rewarding.

So where are we right now? Hm... Oh yes, Nee Soon. Thus, week after week, I would go through the same routines, have the rehersals around the same timing. Celebrate occasionally when there is rain. And as time passed, that meant the arrival of the month of June, and that meant the month of D.I.namite. The experience of D.I.namite as a whole shouldn't be mixed up here, and I won't. But, the fact that both NDP rehersals and D.I.namite would fall on the same day would cause some sort of trouble for either party and thus it did. My stubborness and persistence to want to be able to oversee D.I.namite did eventually pay off but the process getting there wasn't easy. However, I would not elaborate further since, as it is a whole new story by itself. I just felt I should add it here because I felt being able to attend an event that I felt I had responsibility for, show that there is still some hope for the army. Considering I got turned down at least more than 4 times mostly without even finding out why, and how I really almost got into big trouble during the lead up to D.I.namite. #justsaying.

Let's move on to the floating platform, shall we? So the Saturdays where our whole Saturdays would be taken away had arrived. Now, it was booking in before the Sun had risen, and going back at around 10+pm each week. I don't have much to complain for this portion simply because I had already gotten used to the routine, and had already mentally prepared myself for it. Also because there was free food, and drinks up for grabs during this period which helped to keep my morale high. Wait, it was never high, it just kept it from falling in dangerous levels. Honestly, the Milo van and curry'O along with occasional KFC meals helped me not feel so upset about losing my Saturdays and partially Sundays because I would have difficulty waking up early on Sunday mornings, and would feel so tired for most of part of the day.

During this period, I would say, the full dressed rehersal of each week were the best because, I managed to witness the parachuting of the Red lions with my very own eyes. Seeing how everyone was in tuned with one another, along with the music. Knowing the squence of events. Feeling the sense of satisfaction when I hear the song that gave us the queue to march up into the stands. Seeing how the little kids so excited at seeing the soilders march during the NE shows.

And lastly the actual parade. Something happened on that day that nearly caused me not to march for the actual thing which when I think about it, I would get quite pissed but all went well, and I got my way eventually again. It was a day of anxiety for me, I was just fretting over whether I would march, I didn't feel the nerves for the parade just the in justice of the chance of not being able to march after days and months of training. The reason for the lack of nerves was probably because I never volunteered to do it anyway so I didn't care about it. It was more of a task I had to accomplish rather than an opportunity I couldn't wait to grasp. But I would say, the sense of knowing its the end was pretty nice. Sure, there was going to be mixed emotions about the end. No more free food, no more early Friday bookouts, no more Monday offs, yet this meant having my Saturdays back to myself. And knowing it impossible to be stuck in camp over the weekend because I wouldn't have to do a full day of rehersals then do gaurd duty for the whole of Sunday, which when you think about it, its quite horrible and inhumane to do so.

Its almost a month plus after it has happened, yet its not possible to express it all within a post. So much happens each week, but I only stated a few of the more prominent events that happened during this 4+ months. So many loopholes, and I'm sorry I can't better explain and express all that I went through. So oh well, read it if you want.

My 2013 Army Essay

Oh! Hello there. Well, I recently was clearing out my trash online, and chanced upon this essay that BMT forced me to write up. Its seems good because it feels like its in a positive tone (I'm kidding, its  pretty cheesy) and seemingly neutral point of view, my defining moment in NS. Perhaps it will change by the time I get out of it, but its cool reading how I felt more than a year back.... So here it is,

My defining moment.

Could a moment fully define my whole BMT experience? Every experience is made up of so many events, so many memories that will eventually lead up to that point in your life where it gets so special, where one will remember for the rest of their lives. Thus, my defining moment was the day I stepped into Tekong, yet littered with so many other memories picked up along my BMT journey.

On 7 May 2013, it was the day that a whole new season of life begun for me. I personally believe that army will be more than just a chapter in my life because when BMT ends, it would be the end of a chapter in this new season for me. On that day, when I first took my step into Pulau Tekong, it was a step into uncertainty, of change, a step out of my comfort zone. A step that I would have preferred not to make.

Walking up the flight of stairs, surrendering my pink IC, it all happened too fast. It had not yet impacted me the severity of the act. That when I handed in my pink IC, I had pledge my allegiance to this country. This country called Singapore by others around the world, but a country I call home. However, at the moment, I still looked at myself as a civilian, walked like one, treated myself as one. My identity was of a civilian, and it had not yet been changed.

What changed my identity, what made me look at myself in the mirror and realize that 7 May 2013 had truly happened and all this was not just a nightmare, was the day I cut my hair. Having been living with my trademark long fringe since I was even in Primary school, it had become a part of me. As I walked into Pulau Tekong, I was still with my long, floppy fringe. I was still me, I was still Yue Seng. However, when the lady shaved me bald, when I felt my hair departing away from my scalp, when I saw bit of bit my hair drop onto the ground, my precious hair leaving me. There was aching in my heart because I did treasure my hair, and when it was shaved off, I lost something. I had lost a part of me. That made me wake up to reality, and the life of being a soldier. A life of sacrifices.

Not being able to sleep as long as I like, not being able to do whatever I would like when I like, to find myself having to undergo training, perspiring so much, having to much from place to place and being rushed constantly throughout the whole day.Looking at it from a neutral perspective, these sacrifices were all small things. But the biggest sacrifice I probably have made or been forced to make was time. Time that I could have spend with people that mean a lot to me, the inability to be physically be there for them. But as the saying goes, "No pain, no gain."

Therefore, my defining moment for BMT, would be the day it first began for me. But my defining moment to be soldier would be that moment I lost my trademark fringe and beloved hair.

New Year 2014?

A new year...

Hm.. I really do wonder what all the hype on counting down all about? Those counting down to a new day really such a significant act? If so, why do I not see everyone counting down everyday.

As I wrote this, I just want to let you know I have no desire to say something cliche like, "Don't count down your days, make your days count." Yawnss... I have heard that too many times.

But true enough, having the watch night service, thinking about the things that have happened in my year. I look back, and this is what I see and feel.

Year 2013 was almost a carbon copy of 2012. And I remember I have always said 2012 was a horrible year and I will pretend that I had a time lapse and it never happened. Gosh.. who am I kidding?

2 horrible years. I figure out I entering my molding phrase. The most painful. But I have no idea why can't I have a break from all these. 2 years is a short time isn't? So is 365 x2 days consider short. And almost everyday is a day you don't wanna wake up to. Thats quite easy to bear, I presume.

Reading chapter 25 of "The Purpose Driven Life", it states "Transformed by Troubles."

Yes, I realize that I was being mold during the years but the hardship during the supposedly festive period is really agonizing. Seeing everyone taking leave, having holidayd and enjoying their end of year holidays... Its like rubbing in the salt into my wounds.

Its painful to know, painful to compare.. Painful to know that unlike many people who enlisted same time with me, they passed out of their courses and are no more treated as trainees but perhaps sergants and unit men already and here I am, still a trainee.. still undergoing test and training, having to deal with stress and people trying to prick my skin, sacrificing my Christmas and New Year period while people are enjoying themselves.. its painful... I don't have the required vocabulary to properly elaborate and explain the stuff I endure.. but.. haiz...

My God mold me, and my I be willing to get molded.. to accept the unbelievable suai-ness I get in the army that it feels like a conspiracy against me.. to argh... Just do what you have to, God.