When familiarity is found away from what I call home...
Every time I'm stuck in camp doing stuff that does not seem to have a purpose at all, but I do so just because I yearn to book out.. Because when I book out, I'm going home. Yet home has become a distant unfamiliar place. Every time I wanna book out because I wanna spend time with people that perhaps matter to me whether large or small, whether I know or don't, whether I admit or not but I can never hit the ground running. I'm lost...
Although, I'm only a few miles away from 'home'... Its an unfamiliar place. With all the constrain put upon me by army, I lack the capacity I once possessed. Its saddens me, no book out is perfect but I have yet to fully enjoy a book out. Its like there is no difference between being confined and booking out now.. Its just feels that way. If I'm confined, I'm stuck in Tekong, alone in my bunk with nothing to do for 9 hours while if I book out, people are either busy or if I meet them up, I feel that separation...
Honestly, BMT life has not been that cruel to me, or maybe it is, just that I'm thankful that it has not gone from bad to worse...
Monday, June 24, 2013
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Ego Moments
Well.. People tell me, people say that I have a very strong sense of perseverance, and my fighting spirit is strong... But as I think about it now, I beg to differ.. I find myself giving up way too easily, its like I'm a weakling...
Temper, oh temper... Will you ever not get agitated in the army so I don't end up in more shit (sorry for a lack of better word) than I tend to get myself in? Will you let things go and pretend nothing happened?
Hm... So I nearly got myself into confinement this weekend. Whats new? I did feel unjust about the punishment of my actions that could not be helped due the circumstances forced upon me..
To realize that my ego is really getting hold of me is proven when I had planned to go confront my sergeant abt the punishment for what is deem my fault hence my crime.. I gathered a few of my bunkmates and we were going to confront him after all the activities of the day.. Thankfully my officer decided that the severity of the crime was not the worse hence cancelled my confinement, but to actually know that I was prepared to heck care the ranks and just go and be reckless which could get me charged or something told me a lot..
That being said, my platoon has a tendency to argue their cases and what they believe is unjust punishment to them.. So on another day, my platoon got another gang of people to argue another punishment handled out to us.. Haha.. I was involved again. What's new?
Oh Yue Seng, you amuse me... Let bygones be bygones... Haha.. I'm kidding myself, ain't I? I know I'm too stubborn and have the guts to offend people without caring of the consequences and probably will refuse to accept things lying down aka suck thumb lor in army context..
So then.. 3 more weeks to POP... May I not get myself into any more trouble in BMT... Although, wherever I'm posted to, I probably will get myself into trouble...
Alright, lets look on the bright side. Soon, I can start growing some hair back and will not look like a prisoner. It would mean that I get back some dignity and hopefully not get treated like as though we are dogs. And that means I don't have to always wear a cap everywhere I go... looking more normal...
Temper, oh temper... Will you ever not get agitated in the army so I don't end up in more shit (sorry for a lack of better word) than I tend to get myself in? Will you let things go and pretend nothing happened?
Hm... So I nearly got myself into confinement this weekend. Whats new? I did feel unjust about the punishment of my actions that could not be helped due the circumstances forced upon me..
To realize that my ego is really getting hold of me is proven when I had planned to go confront my sergeant abt the punishment for what is deem my fault hence my crime.. I gathered a few of my bunkmates and we were going to confront him after all the activities of the day.. Thankfully my officer decided that the severity of the crime was not the worse hence cancelled my confinement, but to actually know that I was prepared to heck care the ranks and just go and be reckless which could get me charged or something told me a lot..
That being said, my platoon has a tendency to argue their cases and what they believe is unjust punishment to them.. So on another day, my platoon got another gang of people to argue another punishment handled out to us.. Haha.. I was involved again. What's new?
Oh Yue Seng, you amuse me... Let bygones be bygones... Haha.. I'm kidding myself, ain't I? I know I'm too stubborn and have the guts to offend people without caring of the consequences and probably will refuse to accept things lying down aka suck thumb lor in army context..
So then.. 3 more weeks to POP... May I not get myself into any more trouble in BMT... Although, wherever I'm posted to, I probably will get myself into trouble...
Alright, lets look on the bright side. Soon, I can start growing some hair back and will not look like a prisoner. It would mean that I get back some dignity and hopefully not get treated like as though we are dogs. And that means I don't have to always wear a cap everywhere I go... looking more normal...
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