The Substance Stronger than Fear

HiHi all.. The title gives it all away doesn't it? I am talking about hope today. Well, the clip I linked above is from the Hunger games. But this quote, that hope is the only thing stronger than fear, I first heard it from the movie V for Vendetta.

Truly. Hope is a very strong tool!! And I do agree that too much hope is dangerous. With so much hope filling us, we believed and though we were through. But it crushed us... It was MI that had a bit of hope, and they achieved an amazing feat. Now, they are over the moon.

Hope. Its the fuel for a purposeful life. Its the only thing that you can hold onto when you are down, when things look bleak.

So today, I am going to tell you a dream I had!!! Pretty cool, I dream about the team meeting we are going to have tomorrow. Well, perhaps its just wishful thinking, but that what dreams enable. I dreamt that MI have not qualified, that somehow they had two more games to play and were not in unless they won both of them. I felt hope, a glimpse of hope. Let just maybe, just maybe, the journey is not over yet!! Hope. It was hope.

I told my friend about that dream. He said, he dreamt that MI got disqualified, and that we got through. Hope. Again, its about hope. In reality, our hopes are gone. In a dream, its not. We can dream can't we?



Its a really nice movie!!

The Soccer Boys Have Gone Silent

Haizz.. Stuck in the aftermath.

Walking to the bus-stop. Meets my soccer friend there. Stand next to each other but its silence between us.

The bus comes, we board it. Go up to the second storey and walk to the end of the bus where the usually Jurong West soccer guys clique is. We take our seats. But again, its now silence among the whole group. Nothing said about the usually and most frequent topic, soccer. Its silence. Earpieces on, and we do not talk.

Walks to school. Meet up with the soccer dudes, nothing is said again. Then we depart into our separate classes. Remember, its silence.

Then as I sit with my class guys, I cannot help but observe the other soccer dudes walking.. Yes. Even the talkative ones like James is silent. Now speaking a word. Even Abdullah, also does not say a word. But lets not focus on the mouth.

Now, we look at the eyes. Well, the eyes are staring downwards. Not forward but downwards at the dull and dirty ground. These eyes are downcast.

So what does it tell you about the body language if the guys?? I believe you are smart enough to decipher. Its hurt, its sadness, its pain, its frustration, its shame, its the feeling knowing that we were all so close and yet so far. So close to achieving new heights, but now we feel like the scrumbag of the school. Disappointment is written over our faces.


When my teacher asked about the status of the soccer boys. I just replied loudly, "walao eh! How could MI win!!"then I just walked off. A bit no respect but seriously, I don't wish to start narrating about the soccer journey. All the pain, the hardship, the suffering, the injuries, the sacrifices and all. How close we were and now its over. Its really hurts, I just do not want to show it.

Its like a wound that is really huge and will take time to heal. A long time, or perhaps it might never heal fully. Some wounds don't, I got physical injuries and scars as evidence yea.

Frankly speaking, I have never been put in such a position in which our qualification hangs by the thread, and we have to wait till the final moment to know the verdict. The suspense was crazy, it was emotionally draining. The worst partwas that my parents were asking me about soccer. Its was like one of the rare times they did, and well, what a time to ask don't you think?

Every time someone tells me, "At least, you can rest now." I reply "ya" But honestly, do I look like the kind of person that can leave that emotional attachment easily? How do you detach something so dear to you? I feel like I have not done the job yet, I feel like I have let down people. I don't like the thought of, I have played my final game. Because my final game was shit, atrocious, terrible, horrirble! I was so wasteful!! Alright, I made fun of the opponents by ole-ing them, and provoking them. But that wasn't my best. I am now being asked to leave on a low note, or a sad note. I really do like the idea of continue playing. Perhaps in the army, or maybe for a football club. I don't know, I did make a promise and I have to force myself to obey and honour it. Unless, the promise is lifted and I can play some more football.

But as it stands, even if given the chance to jump back in, I don't know whether I would. If my family, and love ones to not support that decision. And If God forbids, I have to obey His and their decision.

Haizz. I ranted, and I am sorry :(

Alright back to the soccer boys. Here is a interesting fact. When you hold a soccer ball and a basketball in each of your hand and ask the soccer boy to choose. Guess what he would usually choose? SOCCER! But if you do that to me now, or my soccer friends. Guess what we chose? A basketball!! We don't want to recall anything about the pain. More of running away from it. Running away from it all before it catches up with us.

In a nutshell. The whole soccer camp in JJ in downcast. I bet even the coach feels that way. The FB group is just posts of the "I am sorry" or "Please forgive me" or "Thank you for the memories" type. We got a team meeting this Wednesday. I doubt there will be a farewell dinner/ party. The pain will be too much to bear. Maybe not for all, but from obervation, it will be more many and especially me because my soccer journey has supposedly ended on 20 April 2012.

Haizz.. Its over. I should start studying. But my heart is not here, its crying, weeping somewhere deep down. I can't focus. I am absent-minded. Studying now will not be productive and my tests are all drawing nearer.

On the positive note. The friends I made will remain! The times spent playing games can still continue because FIFA FTW yo! Haha!!

MI vs ACJC

Hi guys, I feel like shit right now. My thoughts are as messy as my room.

Well, Played against Dunman High on Tuesday, and we won. I thought for a while that we were going to be get knocked out. The we scored again and won. Well, I felt like shit after that game. I think I was like shit! I didn't score, nor convert the chances that I would normally do. Wait a minute, it wasn't normally do before A'div. It was ALWAYS DO!!!! Just see the decline, I suck. Yes, for my personal performance, I was really disappointed, feeling like shit for the next few days. But at least the team won, and we kept our hopes for the quarter-finals alive. 

Interestingly, had a special guest of honour watch that match, and who knew that would have been the last. So I wasn't really sad about the match. I wasn't frowning after the match okay!Hehe!! And with that win, we have done our part of the draw, and drama. And all eyes will now turn to Friday, when MI host ACJC. 

Well, ACJC have already qualified, while MI needs to beat ACJC, who were supposedly unbeaten until today,  to get into the quarter-final. If they drew or lost, JJ will be in the quarter-finals!! So it was 66.7% chance of us qualifying and optimism filled us.

The day arrived, suspense was building up in our hearts. The importance of today was for all to see. Today was the day we watch teams fight for their lives, for their hope and for their dreams.

While to cut the long story short. MI pulled a stunt on us, they beat ACJC 1-0. They are through, and good luck to them. For us, the journey ends here. 

I do not know what to say now. I am in shocked, in despair, in frustration and in tears (too sad to cry now) Its just heartbreak right now. I am too sad to even get emo! Aiyoyo!!

But there is no point crying over spilled milk, if it was meant to be, let it be bah.. But then again, I can't believe MI did the 33.3%!! I am not sure if its the minority or majority of people that play the blame game. I would love to blame someone, but who to? No one is at fault, I can blame myself, I can blame some of my teammates, I can blame the school principal, I could blame the tough draw, I could blame even God but seriously, the blame game is not a game I want to play. It really hurts, very painful to accept the fact and move on. 

My coach messaged us this, "That our journey ends now, but our soccer journey has just began." 

Sadly, I would beg to differ. My body is degrading  rather badly that I probably can't take part into sports day this year. And that means that I would not get a medal this year! My first time that I don't get a medal in a year! Like what!! I probably got Chronic Achilles Tendinitis and a lot more. My Achilles heel has been hurting for a very long time, but I have not been resting nor letting it recover since last year until now, so my body probably can't take the strain anymore.

Perhaps this is good as my body can finally rest properly! Which is good!! I can make a full recovery, but honestly, what now? A life without soccer does not make my life very interesting. Its weird, soccer has been a huge part of my life, and now its gone. It hurts!! (How many time must I say this?)

I remember I made a promise to stop playing soccer. Somehow, I can't believe its the end. I still do want to continue to play but I made a promise. I really don't know whether to keep the promise, if its means I will forgo something that makes me happy :( I know some people (I think its just one) don't like the idea of me getting injured all the time because of soccer but I somehow enjoy it. Perhaps they need to understand the game of soccer to understand that this is not sports that is easy to let go of.... But I also need to understand their train of thoughts. But the bottome line is this. Its over....

Playing to repay..

Yo dudes!! Good news!! RJC has beaten MI 2-0, and this means that we have a good chance of qulifying into the National Top-8 for A'Division in soccer!! Hehe!! Pretty delighted with that result but we still need to make sure that we do not get carried away as we have not qualified yet!! But that is not the main reason why I am blogging.

The mauling of ACJC still lingers in people's life and I finally understand the argument of players when a team does not perform. Usually people will blame the coach for the performance of the team and the resultsm but I realize that it should be the players that take most of the blame.

It is us, players that are playing the soccer match. It is us, who are responsible for our own performance. If we are not up to standard, performing way below par and people helping us are getting drowned in the wave of consequence of such a mauling. I find it defying logic!

I admit that we as players need to take up responsibility for our performance! Not others, but us. And it is saddening when someone else has to pay the price for our below-par performance...

So in a way, I feel a bit ashamed and feeling like I have let down some people. But hey, I don't keep at status-quo, I want to do something about it!

So its simple. I want to play well and make it up for them!! Yes!! It will serve as a motivation to fight, and to play my best!! So bring on Dunman High yo!!

Project Work Results

Haizz.. I got a B.

Well, did not expect to get a B, really did not expect that. I was expecting an A, so in a way, I am disappointed lah. It is inevitable that you disappointed with the grade B after putting in so much effort, and time to it. But I also feel cheated. My teachers said we did quite well, only to find out that we got a B today!

Serious! Its does not make sense!! Can it make sense? I do want to start complain and be like typical Singaporeans but honestly, I feel cheated and disappointed. Then again, should I be feel sorry for myself? Recalling the PW experience, and if I am asked if there was something you regretted doing and thing that there was a certain event that plummet my results to a B, I don't think there was any.

So I think I should not be feeling sorry for myself, nor be licking my wounds. I can't afford to. I got a soccer match tomorrow, and I must be focused!! And I know deep down in my heart, I did my best. However, it seems that my best was not good enough. There is no one I can blame can I? I believe God allowed this to happen for a reason, perhaps He was to shake me up? I really don't know....

Attitude matter doesn't it. So look at it this way, I have gotten 7.5 points in the bag, and not that I dropped 2.5 pts. A champion bounces back up, so I got to study harder than others and mug harder to get better grades and make up for the lost ground!!!

Form is Temporary, Class is Permanent

The famous quote of a footballer:



Do not have to explain much. Period.