Meet up with the Sec clique

Met up with my secondary school friends earlier today. I am still digesting my thoughts, but I realized  have changed a lot and matured up way faster than some of them..

For example, I used to be known chasing and running around with Darren catching me. It was literally the norm back then, and now, I don't. Grown up le... Even though I was asked whether I wanted to relieve the old good times, I declined! Thats rare! Haha!!

Well, lets start the post proper..

I have not met these dudes for a long time.. Really long, like since December 2010!! Thats almost 1 year and 8/9 months!! In addition to that, only I entered JC from this clique..

Usually when you attend such gatherings, or reunions. You would expect people to change since that is a constant in our living world. But I got to admit I was surprised with the amount of change I saw, or managed to access.

The changes seemed mild because the main chuck of everyone's antics are still there. Peacocks remain peacocks, or almost there. Some of them still remain equally childish, are mature at a rate that I am not going at...  But they still do some funny poses or something when taking photos, like old times and all. The way they talk, still sounds the same.. Idk, the changes seemed mild.

But there are really big changes. Like in taste and preference? I never knew Perdenver could tank so much meat! YuanZheng being so close to the guys, like opposite from last time de and more.. Mindset changes. They think more, or that what they say.. Haha.. But wow, being in Poly and JC is really different. The environment is different. Guys and girls are less conservative as they age too. For them, they have so much time, they face different issues and problems from me. Its shapes them and factors the rate of maturity too. I feel so akward, as if I am so full of myself that I declare I am more matured than them. That ain't true, but I do behave more matured or it was a comment from my friend. I do not think I have attain "the" level yet, but I am close..

Its good to meet up. There will without a doubt a gap between old friend that have not been part of each other's lives.. Not as close, but its good to catch up.

P.S Like the new experimental look?

Judging?

5 days to Prelims, and I am fighting battles in the mind, heart and body.

Injured in the physical, bitterness and un-forgiveness in the heart, trying to stand my ground in the minefield (mind-field).

Well, but thats all I would say. So was this post a small update? No. I came across this pic..

It caught me by surprised. I was just swiping through pics then this appeared. So how many times have you judged a person? Well, it just takes 5 seconds to form an impression, and there you have it.. It's human nature to do so. (Have I heard this excuse being used before??) Our brains work in a way that it seeks logic, we seek to understand, we use science to find a reason, a logic behind every wonder. We seek to put things in place, to find an order than we can operate in. Its like, "Oh, she's fat. There she goes into my fat person list.." Its kinda around there, I believe. I am work in progress (sadly, so is LVP), I do compartmentalization for people that I may not know well. I judge them by their actions, by their words, and not by their God-given destiny... God, help me not to pass judgement on your creation. For it shouldn't be me acting as the judge, but you, for you are just.

"Do not look at them as what they are now, look at them as what they can be.."

Well, that would that time.. And speaking of time. Soon and very soon, Nic Lau would be back! Hohoho!! I am glad, but IDK why Shanghai now has a lot of problems. Typhoons, protest demostrations, its a city that is pretty eventful. Its unlikely we can experience such stuff in SG.. :/ Can't wait. Soon, it would  take me 40 mins to get to see him, and not wait 6 months to meet him. Wakaka.. Distance and time. The two factors that help you calculate speed.. and the two inevitable things on Earth. 

Distance, China is pretty far from Sg. I can't just pop a SMS saying, "dinner tonight?" I don't get to see him face to face, (oh gosh, He said he is fatter now! Just by how much!) I really hope I can recognise him when he returns. Nope, not by face. I am talking about character and all.... The different elements and challenges he would have faced will shape him, that same applies to me too... He has probably gotten more freedom that I have so far in my life, that is one example. Hohoho.. I have no idea what kind of storm is approaching. I know I am probably going to meet a different man in September, but I hope that doesn't kick start my journey down memory lane again on what was, and reality.

Time. The world is constantly revolving. Times are changing, we all know that. And with time,many things change. People, material possession, everything on this Earth actually. I believed I talked with sadness about the changes time has brought about.. I always end off with, even I do change... (Look at that dude! so different from the one standing in front of the mirror everyday..)

You would seek the best for the people you love, even if it means sacrificing much and then walking away...

Just want you to Know

Its hilarious. But no, I don't youtube to search old school songs. I got enough in my Itunes and Iphone.. But lets evoked old memories then..  



Now, for something emotional. Well, Pixar animations have been consistently good..

Dreaming

Can you stop a man from dreaming? No. Its his fuel of hope and purpose. Be it a God-given dream or personal one, it that dream that makes you want to take action, to see it with your own eyes. So what if you take that away from man. A man without dreams lor. So simple, but I would prefer the term a useless man. But we seldom see a useless man because that spirit of aspirations is an in-build engine within us.

I think to take away dreams, and another to see it destroyed are two separate things. It seems the same, but the product is different. One is useless because he never knew it, the other knew it, but he witness it being crushed like me crushing the chicken meat when I eat a chicken wing (have to lighten the mood a bit). So you get a man that suffered a huge setback, aimless as it seems. He will experience the pain, and understand what a dream means.

Lets pause for a while. The London 2012 are closing in 5 hours time, imagine the athletes that took part. Most of time worked hard for 4 years. They gave up so much, their social life, the craving for CHOCOLATES and fat food, their sleep, their other dreams just for a moment. Dont forget what they had to endure too.. 

Imagine a retiring athlete that has yet to achieve glory and success. This games would be his last. Its do or die. He competes and comes in fourth. Its over, he was so close yet so far. No one remembers a loser. NO ONE, this is the world. He ends off his career with  nothing. Imagine 10-20 years of hardwork for nothing. The agony that will enter his body, the pain that will consume him. Ouch. That sucks.

I ain't no Olympic athlete, but was a former athlete. I know the hardship, the pain of failure. But I wonder how sometimes they can get over the hurt. Actually, some don't. Just ask some of the US athletes. Then again, some are able to let go. 

It is a bondage and they are smart to let go. But that act in my opinion proves that that didn't mean everything to you. Alright lets continue.

 It impossible to have no dreams and aspirations. Everyone has them. It about the difficult faced achieving them. Some goals are impossible (I want to fly like Superman), some are too easy (I want to  go running). Then again, having dreams will put you in that situation will hurt that will torment you is waiting to have its first prey. Being me now, of course I rather not dream. But is it possible? Its already in-build. 

Wait, lets get this straight. Have your dreams, be it God-given or personal, chase them. If they conflict with God's will, choose the better one. Which usually is the one with more value in the long term. But be wary of them. Everything in this world is a double-edged sword.

Well, thats all. I spend 2 hours in front of this. Likeaboss. And yes, I know. I need God to minister to me. I need to dream again, without feeling pain that is. But God, can I have my desire satisfied this once? 

Hurts

What fills you?? The question that I was asked to answer...

I gave it some thought, then I came to a conclusion. The word now is hurt. Vague, yet a strong word to use. Been trying to pin-point the reason behind my self-imposed yet not self-imposed torture, and the word hurt popped up.

Everyone has been hurt haven't they? Some just dumber to allow themselves to get hurt because they jump into things without taking into consideration the long-term, while some are wiser in minimizing the hurt felt. No one can escape pain, they need to face reality, and experiencing it a bit will help. That being said, experiencing too much ain't cool. No further elaboration needed. But an addiction to it is crazy, yet realistic. #justsaying

I would admit, I am hurt. Really bad. Everything looks beak (Alright, exaggeration! Not everything, but most), hope seems slimmer than slim. And then these eyes that are reading this will wonder, "What made this guy hurt?" Sadly, the answer lies with me and me only, and when that happens, one can only dream of finding out.

"Why? :("

Perhaps hurt has something to do with it? But then again, I have been like since Sec 2. Oh gosh, thats a long time back. But its true, since my National Final heartbreak, time has made it less painful but its still an event full of regret. Then on, I never told people much...

But the hurt, its been resurfacing! When I study, it takes a random flashback. KABOOM, I put down the pen. Its over. When I am playing the piano.. KABOOM, its over. When....

Recently, I almost dreamt that it was possible. I had a dream, its was snatched and dashed. I was beginning to get to terms (just joking, if I can't even get over a ball game. You think I can get over things that might be more important that that?) then I almost dream that it was still possible. Don't raise my hope, and dash it again. I ain't as strong as I am. But I am torturing myself to get myself stronger so I can handle it. I am crazy, I know.

Yet in the mist all that, God has been saying things to me. For once, I believe that I can be the man God wants me to become. But first, the heart needs healing.