Well, today, I want to blog about my experience playing for main service today!! Eeks!!
Hm.. So what can I say?? (please realise that I have actually put in the lyrics of the Stand here :O ) Hm.. this was a unique experience!! The reason, I was pushed out of my comfort zone!! Really pushed out of it big time!!!
The past few days (since thursday) I have been sick, not really running a fever but feeling ill lah... Like I have a running nose, headache, diarrhea, cough, feel like vomiting, breathlessness(only after training, and was heading down to church that period where I experience it) and sorethroat!! A lot right!!! Thats way I have been spamming myself with panadol, and thats the reason, why I think I am killing myself since I have not seen the doctor, nor my parents know that I am feeling unwell... So being ill was one of the hurdles I would be facing when playing for main today!
Actually, thats the main reason. Because I have been feeling unwell, and I got the invitation by andy to serve rather late, like on thursday, I was not really able to sit at my piano and keep practicing!! Today, I went up with the lack of practice.. :( I also have been attending my soccer training despite my state of physical health, so my condition has been worsening as the day passes :/
So my previous paragraph has been telling you the difficulty I faced when preparing. Lets take out saturday where I had to skip both my breakfast and lunch to attend training, music prac, D.I, and the BBQ outreach to the BB boys( I couldnt eat the food there -.-) which my God's grace, he pulled me through!! Phew!! Thank God
Well, why did I say I was pushed out my comfort zone??
Firstly, I am not used to playing in main. Usually, I have been playing for D.I so when I was playing for main today, I felt frightened, had that 'stage-fright' feeling.... I tell you a fact, my leg was shacking when I was playing.. :/ Yes, I admit. I was afraid.... I dont have butterflies in my stomach when I am serving in D.I but in main, it was a different story :/
Secondly, Andy told me that I could not play strings/pads for the last 2 songs!! OMG!!! I was stunned!! Yes!! Becoz usually, I don't play keys. I have never done that in D.I nor anywhere... I have always been playing pads all the way, so when I was told play keys. I was stunned, yet perhaps maybe a bit excited because now, I would be taking up more percentage of the 'pizza'... :D So this would have been something new!! But why play something I am not used to in a placed that I rarely feature!! OMG!! I was pushed out of my comfort zone... Try imagine that feeling of playing some different from what you usually do in front of more people, some more with the LACK OF PRACTICE!!!! >.< OMG!!! Why this was really different, and do different makes you feel nervous and weird, and afraid!! :/ Out of my comfort zones indeed!!
The overview of my problem then? For slackers like me to read... I was sick, with many symptoms, I lacked practice, I could not do what I usually did instead had to do stuff I have never tried before, hence causing shocked within my camp.. And whoa!!
Well, how was the experience doing it then?? Hm.. It was interesting!! Very intriguing too... Ok, lets move on..
Overall, the experience was good for me because this was something new lah... Getting out of your comfort zone would definitively improve me!! But personally, I need to get this off my chest..
I THINK I PLAYED VERY BADLY!! Or by my standard, I would actually spit at myself man, seriously, way way not up to standard.. During the worship, I took very long to settle down, making a lot of blunders!! Many many many!! I was like, "Oh come on, man!!" to myself for the whole thing... My walk-down, cocked up at the end. During unending love, from the verse 1 to chorus, only mistakes.. -.- during communion, pressed so many wrong keys... And the list goes on and on.. This was perhaps the first worship set that I made so many mistakes in my life!! I feel extremely disappointed in myself!! Very very very!!
But I remember what was shared in D.I yesterday. "DO NOT LOOK AT YOURSELF AS A FAILURE, BECAUSE IN GOD'S EYES, YOU ARE NOT ONE!" (Yes, I managed to listen despite being sick!! :D ) And thank God, for the encouragement many church members gave me. Actually it more like, "Whoa, playing for main le ah.." kind of encouragement lah, I also asked if my mistakes were very obvious, many said, "no." so thank God yea.. *phew*
I remember Lefa encouraging me viz sms, saying that I was improvement, which felt like I have been rewarded for the hard work and hours I a=have spend playing my piano at home...
Read this quote yea, I really agree with it.. By moving out of my comfort zone, I am improving, I am pushing my limits, and one day, I will be playing first keys for you to hear!! Best part of the journey? I am going to show how one does not need to have a proper lesson to play to that standard!! :P
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