The Soccer Boys Have Gone Silent

Haizz.. Stuck in the aftermath.

Walking to the bus-stop. Meets my soccer friend there. Stand next to each other but its silence between us.

The bus comes, we board it. Go up to the second storey and walk to the end of the bus where the usually Jurong West soccer guys clique is. We take our seats. But again, its now silence among the whole group. Nothing said about the usually and most frequent topic, soccer. Its silence. Earpieces on, and we do not talk.

Walks to school. Meet up with the soccer dudes, nothing is said again. Then we depart into our separate classes. Remember, its silence.

Then as I sit with my class guys, I cannot help but observe the other soccer dudes walking.. Yes. Even the talkative ones like James is silent. Now speaking a word. Even Abdullah, also does not say a word. But lets not focus on the mouth.

Now, we look at the eyes. Well, the eyes are staring downwards. Not forward but downwards at the dull and dirty ground. These eyes are downcast.

So what does it tell you about the body language if the guys?? I believe you are smart enough to decipher. Its hurt, its sadness, its pain, its frustration, its shame, its the feeling knowing that we were all so close and yet so far. So close to achieving new heights, but now we feel like the scrumbag of the school. Disappointment is written over our faces.


When my teacher asked about the status of the soccer boys. I just replied loudly, "walao eh! How could MI win!!"then I just walked off. A bit no respect but seriously, I don't wish to start narrating about the soccer journey. All the pain, the hardship, the suffering, the injuries, the sacrifices and all. How close we were and now its over. Its really hurts, I just do not want to show it.

Its like a wound that is really huge and will take time to heal. A long time, or perhaps it might never heal fully. Some wounds don't, I got physical injuries and scars as evidence yea.

Frankly speaking, I have never been put in such a position in which our qualification hangs by the thread, and we have to wait till the final moment to know the verdict. The suspense was crazy, it was emotionally draining. The worst partwas that my parents were asking me about soccer. Its was like one of the rare times they did, and well, what a time to ask don't you think?

Every time someone tells me, "At least, you can rest now." I reply "ya" But honestly, do I look like the kind of person that can leave that emotional attachment easily? How do you detach something so dear to you? I feel like I have not done the job yet, I feel like I have let down people. I don't like the thought of, I have played my final game. Because my final game was shit, atrocious, terrible, horrirble! I was so wasteful!! Alright, I made fun of the opponents by ole-ing them, and provoking them. But that wasn't my best. I am now being asked to leave on a low note, or a sad note. I really do like the idea of continue playing. Perhaps in the army, or maybe for a football club. I don't know, I did make a promise and I have to force myself to obey and honour it. Unless, the promise is lifted and I can play some more football.

But as it stands, even if given the chance to jump back in, I don't know whether I would. If my family, and love ones to not support that decision. And If God forbids, I have to obey His and their decision.

Haizz. I ranted, and I am sorry :(

Alright back to the soccer boys. Here is a interesting fact. When you hold a soccer ball and a basketball in each of your hand and ask the soccer boy to choose. Guess what he would usually choose? SOCCER! But if you do that to me now, or my soccer friends. Guess what we chose? A basketball!! We don't want to recall anything about the pain. More of running away from it. Running away from it all before it catches up with us.

In a nutshell. The whole soccer camp in JJ in downcast. I bet even the coach feels that way. The FB group is just posts of the "I am sorry" or "Please forgive me" or "Thank you for the memories" type. We got a team meeting this Wednesday. I doubt there will be a farewell dinner/ party. The pain will be too much to bear. Maybe not for all, but from obervation, it will be more many and especially me because my soccer journey has supposedly ended on 20 April 2012.

Haizz.. Its over. I should start studying. But my heart is not here, its crying, weeping somewhere deep down. I can't focus. I am absent-minded. Studying now will not be productive and my tests are all drawing nearer.

On the positive note. The friends I made will remain! The times spent playing games can still continue because FIFA FTW yo! Haha!!