The movie: "Army and Me"

Army life.. Before I take the step into a new phrase of my army life, I need to explode. At least just a bit first. But the joy of it is that it requires understanding the way I like to speak, because if not, its hard to understand or make sense of it.

Ok, maybe I will make it simpler instead of beginning, "out of my home into the dessert. "

Army life has placed me in a phrase I feel no joy going through. Even before I enlisted, it was obvious I had issues with the army and now being in it.. Its a lot worse.

Perhaps not being the typical kind of guy, I really different when I'm in crowds and with a small group wirh a preference of small groups.. But you don't really get that in army..

A peacock will of course be revealed in a big crowd.. But its tiring to be a peacock all the times.. Its energy sapping... And an ego will be unleashed when provoked.  Its probably known by now that I have enough guts to do what I say and that I will act in retaliation when a needle pricks my skin. That probably makes life in army a lot worse because I was hoping for a professional work deal where I get my personal time, army gets a person who will be behave.

Sadly, with regimentation, discipline and lack of freedom, choices and time to myself.. I'm not at all pleased... Not pleased at all.. The line was crossed. 

Inefficieny in the army also kills. It irritates me so bad that I may be going crazy. Its frustrates me, destroys my plans outside and wastes my time. Something so precious to me, so poorly treasured... Argh.. Grrr.. 

As I stand on the Mrt typing this post out, I can complain and rant a lot more. Army is sucks and I'm strongly considering to play with a system that has a reputation of never losing. Yet, on the other side of the page. I question myself, my attitudes... 

Army will not change me to a men, it will just continue to provoke my ego and attempt to get me to the mental hospital. But God can change me, mold me.. Placing me in a season of discomfort, suffering and pain mentally, emotionally, and physically for 2 year... There will be a reason. I have no idea why I have always ended up on the worse end of the deals for just 12 weeks into army life and gotten all the shit but it will probably be good training for the future shit people in the throw at me in future 

God, helps me to survive army life. But not just survive but to prosper. Help me to submit my life to you. To restrain my flesh from taking action on its own accord but to shine to both my sergeants and my fellow men treated like lowly life forms by the higher ups. I know this will be a season of so much pain, a time where things I treasure will be taken away from me.. Where I will hate it, and a time when life will feel so unfair. Yet I feel up to the challenge to live through and endure "hell" for 2 years. By your strength I shall... 

If some people have managed to endure an army life where they have gotten all the shit thrown at them. Time sapped from them, choices and freedom stripped away for 2 years yet survived. So can I! I am sure someone before me will have been lied to, leave taken away from them, and more shit dumped on him than I have been issued so may I not complain, but be thankfully. Although when you take a look at other people's life in army and compare, its demoralizing. Things in amry could have been worse for me in army, but thank God it has not reached that point... 

...yet.