My defining moment.
Could a moment fully define my whole BMT experience? Every experience is made up of so many events, so many memories that will eventually lead up to that point in your life where it gets so special, where one will remember for the rest of their lives. Thus, my defining moment was the day I stepped into Tekong, yet littered with so many other memories picked up along my BMT journey.
On 7 May 2013, it was the day that a wholoe new season of life begun for me. I personally believe that army will be more than just a chapter in my life because when BMT ends, it would be the end of a chapter in this new season for me. On that day, when I first took my step into Pulau Tekong, it was a step into uncertainity, of change, a step out of my comfort zone. A step that I would have preferred not to make.
Walking up the flight of stairs, surrendering my pink IC, it all happened too fast. It had not yet impacted me the severity of the act. That when I handed in my pink IC, I had pledge my alligence to this country. This country called Singapore by others around the world, but a country I call home. However, at the moment, I still looked at myself as a civilian, walked like one, treated myself as one. My identity was of a civilain, and it had not yet been changed.
What changed my identity, what made me look at myself in the mirror and realize that 7 May 2013 had truly happened and all this was not just a nightmare, was the day I cut my hair. Having been living with my trademark long fringe since I was even in Primary school, it had become a part of me. As I walked into Pulau Tekong, I was still with my long, floppy fringe. I was still me, I was still Yue Seng. However, when the lady shaved me bald, when I felt my hair departing away from my scalp, when I saw bits of my hair drop onto the ground, my precious hair leaving me. There was aching in my heart because I did treasure my hair, and when it was shaved off, I lost something. I had lost a part of me. That made me wake up to reality, and the life of being a soldier. A life of sacrifices.
Not being able to sleep as long as I like, not being able to do whatever I would like when I like, to find myself having to undergo training, perspiring so much, having to much from place to place and being rushed constantly throughout the whole day. Looking at it from a neutral perspective, these sacrifices were all small things and things that I would perhaps be alright to give. Although I would hope that I do get something back in return. But the biggest sacrifice I probably have made or been forced to make was time. Time that I could have spend with people that mean a lot to me, the inability to be physically be there for them. The ability to make late night calls, the ability to just crash someone's house when I like and the ability to jio people out for meals.. all gone. I can't try to fit people schedules no more, I lack that capacity, and it changes my world in many ways. I can't make that sacrifice even if I wanted too... Time... So precious ain't it?
Then came the turbulent few weeks of high key events all back to back... First to arrive, was the hand grenade throw, then my live firing, and then field camp to end it off..
Honestly speaking, I do have to admit that throwing a grenade and shooting real bullets meant to kill will be an experience because these are things that I have never ever done before. These things were also so unfamiliar to me, being a guy who has no interest in guns and shooting, these things didn't excite me. It felt more of a chore frankly speaking.
But lets begin shall we? The grenade... All the talk of people freaking out at that crucial moment never happened to me.. I didn't feel any panic when I pulled the pin out, like as though there was nothing to fear. I even wanted to watch it so I attempted to keep my head over the wall, until my sergeant pushed my head down.. Haiz.. All hope of seeing it explode was lost. Although, I heard my throw was quite good because I was told, "good throw" after
that.
But whats a soldier if he can't shot the targets he aims.. So live firing comes next. First thing that comes to mind is honestly how my weekends got burned. Personally, when live firing came, I had a fear I might fail the test at end of it all because I always believed my shooting and aiming is pretty bad. No joke man! I have no talent playing shooting games! Be it at the arcade, on the PlayStation or Xbox or any game consoles. Even when I when to Taiwan to play, I tried shooting too, but I was really bad at it... Still won a Tigger for my efforts back in Taiwan though!
Thank God, I wasn't as bad as I thought I was... I managed to achieve a Marksman in BMT, which holds no value actually because many others or majority will achieve it. I pretty much enjoyed shooting rounds after rounds, although I got to admit I was glad it was over and I didn't not get charge for a breach of safety or rules. There is some joy found in shooting, I have to admit, but when you do it with sergeant shouting at you and being really cranky and totally unreasonable, it does affect you sometimes or it did affect some others. I didn't care about their shouting. I would take my time to walk to my pit and load at my own pace, I had no plans on putting myself under extra pressure and being pushed into making a mistake. Plus, I like to walk and there would be nothing they could do about it or maybe they could but I was prepared to dare them to take actions against me.
Alright, there was of course somethings I enjoyed during my live firing exercises. For one, it would be the night shoot. Nope, not me shooting targets at night but be waiting for my turn because the night sky was so filled with stars that I yearn to go star gazing in my leisure time soon! It was so pretty and beautiful.. Its like watching the sun set. Perhaps, that is something I will honestly miss in Tekong. The starry night in Tekong. Another would be the waiting time. I managed to hide myself in the shade and slept for a good hour which was perhaps one of the best things when you are in BMT because I have never gotten sufficient amount of sleep before.
But lets move on... I'm running out of time to blog. Field camp. It felt like camping except when you march 8km (I have learnt that when they tell you the distance, it always means that you have marched more than that) there with what feels like the heaviest load I have ever carried on my shoulders before, you would wish that you can get a little breather so everyone decided to take their time, or do things slower and hence the tekan session begins. Honestly, it takes time for people to adapt to this new environment and how we are suppose to behave in it, so some people just have very bad adapting ability, while I have a bladder issue. Gosh, I wanted to pee but was not given permission. Gsshh.. I really considered just going to the toilet, and face the consequences later but I resisted.
Field camp felt like camping. It wasn't physically challenging as I expected and honestly, I expected it to be more physically tough. But instead it was another mentally tough challenge. Field camp showed me many people's character and at times, it showed me mine at times too, mainly digger shell scrap... I thought my fighting spirit would not be have been really affected by digging the shell scrap. I need to build up my fighting spirit. But I did enjoy learning all the movements, because it was something new to me. As I went during my camping trip, I got to eat a lot of snacks, and maggi mee and I found the field camp rather easy. Thats the bottom line.
Yes, hygiene did not exist in camp, I didn't like all the insects there, nor waking up in the middle of the night nor the food there and etc.. But I could survive field camp, it was survivable perhaps trying to make one feel out of his comfort zone which was taken with the "orh, ok." attitude. Never felt like I would really explode mentally, emotionally and physically in field camp. It felt like camping, or BMT's field camp was too easy even with all the punishment and all, maybe because with the "orh, ok. I don't care" attitude, it was easy for me.
After field camp, they always say the worst is over. So I expected life to be easier which it did become but it also allowed me to see how screwed up the system is and it was building up a inter rage within with all the frustrating the system was causing me. It is overly frustrating and I really wanted to blow.. This is my personally BMT climax, after field camp. If you are a girl or someone that has not undergone BMT, it doesn't make sense for me to blow after things have slacken right? See the irony! But yes, I do not plan to comment on things bah.. So yup, thats all I plan to say.
Then came the turbulent few weeks of high key events all back to back... First to arrive, was the hand grenade throw, then my live firing, and then field camp to end it off..
Honestly speaking, I do have to admit that throwing a grenade and shooting real bullets meant to kill will be an experience because these are things that I have never ever done before. These things were also so unfamiliar to me, being a guy who has no interest in guns and shooting, these things didn't excite me. It felt more of a chore frankly speaking.
But lets begin shall we? The grenade... All the talk of people freaking out at that crucial moment never happened to me.. I didn't feel any panic when I pulled the pin out, like as though there was nothing to fear. I even wanted to watch it so I attempted to keep my head over the wall, until my sergeant pushed my head down.. Haiz.. All hope of seeing it explode was lost. Although, I heard my throw was quite good because I was told, "good throw" after
that.
But whats a soldier if he can't shot the targets he aims.. So live firing comes next. First thing that comes to mind is honestly how my weekends got burned. Personally, when live firing came, I had a fear I might fail the test at end of it all because I always believed my shooting and aiming is pretty bad. No joke man! I have no talent playing shooting games! Be it at the arcade, on the PlayStation or Xbox or any game consoles. Even when I when to Taiwan to play, I tried shooting too, but I was really bad at it... Still won a Tigger for my efforts back in Taiwan though!
Thank God, I wasn't as bad as I thought I was... I managed to achieve a Marksman in BMT, which holds no value actually because many others or majority will achieve it. I pretty much enjoyed shooting rounds after rounds, although I got to admit I was glad it was over and I didn't not get charge for a breach of safety or rules. There is some joy found in shooting, I have to admit, but when you do it with sergeant shouting at you and being really cranky and totally unreasonable, it does affect you sometimes or it did affect some others. I didn't care about their shouting. I would take my time to walk to my pit and load at my own pace, I had no plans on putting myself under extra pressure and being pushed into making a mistake. Plus, I like to walk and there would be nothing they could do about it or maybe they could but I was prepared to dare them to take actions against me.Alright, there was of course somethings I enjoyed during my live firing exercises. For one, it would be the night shoot. Nope, not me shooting targets at night but be waiting for my turn because the night sky was so filled with stars that I yearn to go star gazing in my leisure time soon! It was so pretty and beautiful.. Its like watching the sun set. Perhaps, that is something I will honestly miss in Tekong. The starry night in Tekong. Another would be the waiting time. I managed to hide myself in the shade and slept for a good hour which was perhaps one of the best things when you are in BMT because I have never gotten sufficient amount of sleep before.
But lets move on... I'm running out of time to blog. Field camp. It felt like camping except when you march 8km (I have learnt that when they tell you the distance, it always means that you have marched more than that) there with what feels like the heaviest load I have ever carried on my shoulders before, you would wish that you can get a little breather so everyone decided to take their time, or do things slower and hence the tekan session begins. Honestly, it takes time for people to adapt to this new environment and how we are suppose to behave in it, so some people just have very bad adapting ability, while I have a bladder issue. Gosh, I wanted to pee but was not given permission. Gsshh.. I really considered just going to the toilet, and face the consequences later but I resisted.
Field camp felt like camping. It wasn't physically challenging as I expected and honestly, I expected it to be more physically tough. But instead it was another mentally tough challenge. Field camp showed me many people's character and at times, it showed me mine at times too, mainly digger shell scrap... I thought my fighting spirit would not be have been really affected by digging the shell scrap. I need to build up my fighting spirit. But I did enjoy learning all the movements, because it was something new to me. As I went during my camping trip, I got to eat a lot of snacks, and maggi mee and I found the field camp rather easy. Thats the bottom line.
Yes, hygiene did not exist in camp, I didn't like all the insects there, nor waking up in the middle of the night nor the food there and etc.. But I could survive field camp, it was survivable perhaps trying to make one feel out of his comfort zone which was taken with the "orh, ok." attitude. Never felt like I would really explode mentally, emotionally and physically in field camp. It felt like camping, or BMT's field camp was too easy even with all the punishment and all, maybe because with the "orh, ok. I don't care" attitude, it was easy for me.
After field camp, they always say the worst is over. So I expected life to be easier which it did become but it also allowed me to see how screwed up the system is and it was building up a inter rage within with all the frustrating the system was causing me. It is overly frustrating and I really wanted to blow.. This is my personally BMT climax, after field camp. If you are a girl or someone that has not undergone BMT, it doesn't make sense for me to blow after things have slacken right? See the irony! But yes, I do not plan to comment on things bah.. So yup, thats all I plan to say.
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