Still the Same

Haizz.. Honestly, I think I have lost.. It hurts...

I have always hated losing. I was never a good loser, and seldom a gracious one. I am still learning to be one, but sometimes you just want to win and can't accept defeat. My brain has been working on what went wrong. What was the problem?? What did I do wrong? I question, I ponder, I wonder... I hate visiting my drawing board because that the board that revisit the past, revises the strategy used and tells me, "here you go, try again." But what if there is no second chance now. As it seems, that isn't I lost a battle that I put so much effort, and time, and even money into. It was a long battle, and that makes defeat all the more worse. If you are wondering what am I talking about, and wish to find out..... Don't bother, I almost never share the matters deep down in my heart. I refuse to open up to a world that is full of change.

This world has disillusion me. This world is screwed up. Nothing much has changed my view in this month. Only made it worse. My brain is pretty crazy, churning out stuff, reviewing stuff and thinking about many things. It is interesting to observe the action of people because it tell you about them. I tend to observe the actions of my friends, and its in the small action that you realize the change.Sometimes, the person does not notice the change before me. I hate it, I hate having to constantly update myself with the times, with the change. So observe the small actions. It can be as simple as observing where a person eyes looks at, their actions and their words.  Won't tell you what I have observed, but I do dislike change. Yet change is a constant, a fact that needs to be faced!! Even I do change :(

Aside from that, I realize that deep down, I still love soccer. My medals may not define me, nor how good I play. It is just that I still love soccer. I just love to play it.. That is why I decided to play even in defense. Something I have not done for a long time in the recent get together match for the J2s.. However, that said, I do not itch to kick a ball, I just enjoy kicking it...