New Year 2014?

A new year...

Hm.. I really do wonder what all the hype on counting down all about? Those counting down to a new day really such a significant act? If so, why do I not see everyone counting down everyday.

As I wrote this, I just want to let you know I have no desire to say something cliche like, "Don't count down your days, make your days count." Yawnss... I have heard that too many times.

But true enough, having the watch night service, thinking about the things that have happened in my year. I look back, and this is what I see and feel.

Year 2013 was almost a carbon copy of 2012. And I remember I have always said 2012 was a horrible year and I will pretend that I had a time lapse and it never happened. Gosh.. who am I kidding?

2 horrible years. I figure out I entering my molding phrase. The most painful. But I have no idea why can't I have a break from all these. 2 years is a short time isn't? So is 365 x2 days consider short. And almost everyday is a day you don't wanna wake up to. Thats quite easy to bear, I presume.

Reading chapter 25 of "The Purpose Driven Life", it states "Transformed by Troubles."

Yes, I realize that I was being mold during the years but the hardship during the supposedly festive period is really agonizing. Seeing everyone taking leave, having holidayd and enjoying their end of year holidays... Its like rubbing in the salt into my wounds.

Its painful to know, painful to compare.. Painful to know that unlike many people who enlisted same time with me, they passed out of their courses and are no more treated as trainees but perhaps sergants and unit men already and here I am, still a trainee.. still undergoing test and training, having to deal with stress and people trying to prick my skin, sacrificing my Christmas and New Year period while people are enjoying themselves.. its painful... I don't have the required vocabulary to properly elaborate and explain the stuff I endure.. but.. haiz...

My God mold me, and my I be willing to get molded.. to accept the unbelievable suai-ness I get in the army that it feels like a conspiracy against me.. to argh... Just do what you have to, God.