His Favour

God can make tests into testimonies. And God will fight for those that love Him. 

In the past few weeks, things havent gone really smooth sailing for me. I have been finding myself in situations with serious trouble although I have done nothing wrong and my actions were with good conscience and intentions. Its really too much to share and I don't know which one to share not how to begin. But lately, I have had a lot of responsibility heaped on me, as well as problems because I got appointed course I/C. (Its like a role where I oversee the whole course, meaning everyone even the platoon I/Cs) And truth be told, when I took over, the situation was pretty bad. Hatred and friction between and within platoons and the tensions are pretty high, where there were a few instances where fights almost occurred. A lot of punishments dished on everybody, and a lot tests and stuff that were suppose to be completed before my reign that have snowballed into my problem and time was running out. I had to fix it, by hook or by crook. 

So here I was. Needing to get a group of guys that were not working with each other and the authorities I have to report to make my time a living hell because they just throw me the problem and the dateline and the consequences of not making it and I'm suppose to ensure that the problem is solved. 

Gssh... Alright, they did give me a suggestion. They told me to be a dictator which I was the no. 1 thing I would refuse to do. As an I/C, I wanted to make they stay in the camp a more pleasant and palatable one instead of having someone shout at u all the time which would just make the morale and the atmosphere within the camp worse. However, a dictatorship like method is a tried and proven method that the previous ppl who filled the shoes, I now find myself in, have done. Thus, when I chose to be an encourager rather than an enforcer, when I chose not to be strict, not shout and be nice to them, I was taken for granted, they were throwing me all their problems (like I left my water bottle in the room earlier. Now its locked.) and things were not moving, problems were not solved but accumulating , the authorities above me weren't pleased. I just got whacked left, right, centre and I found myself being pushed into a corner, praying and wanted God to take my life. Thoughts of just being irresponsibility and reporting sick were on my mind. My self-confidence took a huge beating every time someone has to 'knock it down' or be punished. It made me feel incompetent as a leader, and that I was stirring the ship closer towards the iceberg rather than away. 

I still stuck on with my method of encouragement and servant leadership. Asking them to show my urgency, to at least 'wayang' abit in front of the authorities above me. Helping them with their punishments after I had done mine. Gave up my free time, and sleep to help them with their problems and punishment so they would complete and meet the datelines therefore not getting into trouble. Carrying the bags of food ratios, helping with the stores and tasks we had to accomplish. (By right, I'm not suppose to help in running errands but to oversee everything and instruct my fellow men to do the tasks I tell them) Making sure everyone has their food before I take mine. (Such an act means I will have 10 mins to eat, go to the toilet and ensure everyone is ready to resume operation after lunch. While everyone else will have the comfortable 20 mins to do so.) Sacrifice a lot of myself, such that I would say such that I was burnt out by Tuesday-Wednesday. "How much more can I give?" was a question I found myself asking constantly. 

Over time (actually, almost overnight), most people began to listen to my instructions, move quickly, not turn me down when I asked them to help me accomplish a task. And I really thank God that He is granting me favour and wisdom. Its really heartwarming to see them more cheerful, and working together. Also how God plan put a gameplan that would meet the standards needed yet not force me to act like a beast. All I needed, he gave. Until now, the knife has yet to go down on my head. God fights for those that love Him. 

(Hopefully, its can be understood. The wonder and severity of the problems I faced. The stressed I faced and all are hard to express through words. And its got to do with army, so I know its hard to comprehend... By the way, this was actually a text message.)