Nee Soon

Its been a painful 2 weeks in Nee Soon... Suffering, suffering and waking up to more suffering... As much as things could be worse, and that I should be joyful and thankful that things ain't the worse it can be.. Its pretty bad a life to live.

Waking up each morning, breath a deep sigh, knowing that today will be another day outfield, wearing the vest and helmet under the hot sun all the way till the evening.. Carrying along a burdensome rifle along, and getting irritated with one another because we have to work together to get the job done. Yet, so many people choose not to do their part and someone else has to clear uo the mess for them. And after clearing it, you still get punished because the timing was not met. It really gets on yout nerve, especially when morale is already low and people look at fulfilling their own selfish needs. Woah.. Wait, I have to admit that there are times that I too am lazy and just sit there.. Yet, until everyone starts to work together, I will be having a horrible few months at Nee Soon. 

As I use my physical eyes and see, the future does not look good and at all slightly pleasant because some people will just refuse to be more pro active but just talk a lot. Words don't get things done!! But actions do!! Thats is why actions always speak louder than words!! 

As much as my blood is boiling in camp, and I really don't just wanna shout at people. I wanna punch and unlease my violent tendency!! And sometimes, you just want a break or to have some slack cut but well, it never happens.. 

Its been a frustrating and irritating few weeks for me. For me to actually do push up, cross sit-ups, ranger hop and flutter kicks to my max count in the night so that I can release some of the anger and frustration building up with me meaning my threshold is breaking, cracks are being revealed. Gosh, I don't know how long more of this can I take. I don't plan to hurt myself but I also don't plan to transfer or unleash my violent side onto others. My choice would be simple between the 2. But I hope I will have to choose neither. Which is pretty far-fetched and absurd because the ways things are continuing, I laugh sacaristically.

Yet, every night I think about it. I don't want to show my anger, but to speak and act like a person judged by the law that gives freedom. To be a friend to those people that others dislike. To behave like a Christian yet, I pretty much failed to do so. I don't want to let hatred and anger build although I know its building up with me already. I want to have peace in my heart to just cool down. I want a break, serenity at its best.

But as for know.... The one word echoing with me is... 

AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!