Boredom Madness

What am I protecting? What is worth every drop of sweat that drips of my head? Its like that song, "Just give me a reason". That has been a question I have been asking myself. I cannot go through all the takan sessions from morning to night every single day for the next 7 weeks, without having a reason to motivate and encourage me to hang in there. Yet, I cannot find a reason. Its just makes me feel so degraded. Every day I am just waiting to get pumped or punished or something unpleasant to happen to me and I need a reason to pull through and a use reason to accept all these uncalled for punishment. Just give me a reason, just a  little bit is enough to continue slogging it out. I never manged to find a reason to protect Singapore before I enlisted, even up till now... Yet, I'm still searching for that something or someone would possess that answer I seek, that reason I need. Well, thats just a sneak peek of what are the things that are going through my head.... Ha...

A scar on his face, green eyes, hooded figure... Its been so many years since I visualized that face. I don't know why, but when I am reminded of what I saw, I fear that I saw me. My fight isn't on this Earth, my fight is one not seen with this set of eyes. I do have a wish, a wish to see the battlefield clearly, because I feel like a blind man fighting, not knowing which direction is the attack heading my way coming from. Then again, I would also like to know the reason behind the attacks. "Why me?". Well, now, another question has popped up. I want to confirm my gut feeling. "Who is he?"

So what attributes are so evident in me? A strong sense of determination that can easily turn into stubborness because I am so determined to get the things I want. A spirit of preservance? Well, another double-edged sword when you come to think about it. Sometimes when these two attributes combine for the wrong reason, I actually suffer but I have never really been able to fully let go and let down somethings in my whole life. Give up doesn't remain in my vocabulary for long. Ok then, I don't have much to speak on. Or I'm too lazy to type out.

Life in Sawang. The Journey of Discovery.  Before you begin reading this whole post, I would prefer you read it while listening to this song. This was the song that I was listening to as I was on the van heading back to the airport. The song I listened to after I had met all my objectives of going there. So load this song completely then you may begin. As I start off, I would like to thank God for giving me this opportunity to fly to Sawang. When I first got my enlistment letter, I was not pleased that I would be enlisting in May instead of Feb, as that meant I would ORD later. However, never would I know that months later, it provided me a chance to go to the Land  of Smiles, where I have learnt and been challenged so much.  On a personal note, this was a very difficult trip because God challenged me so much mentally throughout the whole duration of the trip. Before we embark on this trip, I had my opinion that I was going to a place where ...

Well, as I continue to collate all that I have been through the past week, and continue to journal it down in a post that will be very long. I just wanted to say.... Nah, I have nothing to say really. I got no video to share too... But Good Friday and Easter have just passed.... And before I flew, I was searching for a good video to screen. So here is my choice.

Things that weren't meant to be, will never be meant to be. Yet, I still try believing that there is still hope. To drag yourself through the pain barrier, to persevere till where I stand, to endure all the pain my body, heart and mind can withstand, to choose not to give up even though you know the possibility of failure is as good as 99%. I come to the point where I know I'm crazy and should let fo. But is that really possible and really what I want? Well then. On another note, to feel vulnerable makes me feel weird and uncomfortable. A guy who usually is able to hold it all together, lost it all in a trigger point. To hear me speak with vulnerability, is weird, uncomfortable but relieving still. I'm still human but it wouldn't surprise me if I return to a "hold it all" mode.

Well, enjoy. See what the kids got to say.. With some fun fact in it and how to do the dance.. Watching how teens, adults and kids react and answer certain videos and questions. Really opens up your eyes to how others are thinking... And sometimes, its saddening.. At the same time, you find out some of the viral videos around, like Fred.. LOL...