Tough Times

Hm.. Even just writing this post is painful already....

Well, I received major, earth-shaking news on tuesday. The day before I was preparing for West-Zone Semis and Studying for Physics Test... And hm.. I think he affected me very badly coz I lost interest in everything I did.... And then my world felt like it collapsed the next day where I feel I lost everything... :(

Even a sad face is not enough to comprehend the pain I feel......

Okay, maybe things aren't as bad.... but actually I feel it is... Coz I feel like I have disappointed badly, as everyone in school is like expecting us to be champions..Since we have won every match... So you gotta understand the immense pressure on us, even the principals is counting on us..... And well, we lost to Regent.... We can't blame anything.. Maybe we won used to playing on normal grass?? Maybe it was to hot since we always play at 4.30..?? Maybe everything lah!!! no point le... We lost 2-1.... No point, I am deeply sadden, I am heart-broken.... I feel so bad inside!! I can;t believe I let people down.... Expectations, Expectations... They have always been on my shoulders.... And now, I collapsed under them... :( Scoring one goals could not save us, but I would like to dedicate that goal I scored to my great mentor, and leader, Si'er.. :D Though I was a simple tap in, but still... To play in the heartache and score, it is nice... but still the pain within me seems unbearable at times...

It does not matter already, I got seriously injured in that game, I got whack in the chest, which gave me difficulty breathing.. And currently, my chest still hurts... Well, The bad news I received that made me lost interest in everything I was doing is....... I will not say....

Some know, Some have yet to find out, Some will never know??

Hm.. All that needs to be done is I need to stand up. Someone taught me this, "If you fall, stand back up and continue" ......

I really need to stand back up on my feet, I got souls yet to be discipled, souls to impact. And I got be strong for the people who look up to me...... Maybe this hurt, or pain, or grief will drive me into greater heights, but that should not be the kind of spirit that drives me up....

I really don't know, I need comforting. I need strength, I need grace, I need power. I need to pull myself back together!! I not sure if people understand the huge setback I have felt, the huge lost in my heart, the huge pain in my spirits?? I need help!! I hate it to affect my life, but it is!!! Though, I am still equally talkative, and playful and restless.. But my heart hurts, very badly... :(

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